Time...after time

Time. It's a funny thing. How it passes differently for each person. I think its speed is determined by how we measure it. For some, it's just an arbitrary accumulation of minutes and hours that equal days that turn into weeks that turn into years. Static and painstaking, this type of acceptance of time. For others, it's moments. Weeks pass. Freely and unremarkable, yet certain moments arrest - and irrevocably define life - by either expanding or restricting the passage of time as we feel it in the depths of our soul. For better or worse, perception is reality. But what is the nucleus from which our own individual perspectives are born? Is it our belief systems or personalities or attitudes? What is it that lends credence and weight? They say time is of the essence. I believe this. Time is now. Today is the only unit of time that we are guaranteed, regardless of how we embrace it or measure its passing. Moments come and moments go. Each encapsulated - whether we are conscious of it or not - on a spectrum ranging from indifference to personal, life-defining significance. No matter how we experience time, it is inarguably at once eternal and fleeting. Just and unfair. Meaningful and mundane. Here and gone. The past is past. Today is the day. Live in this moment. It's the only one we truly hold. Pain, joy, love, fear, disappointment, regret, hope, sadness, peace, apathy. They define our humanness, our experiences and our choices, as they are all ours for the owning and the releasing. Ultimately destining our direction. Choose life. Choose engagement with it. Even when it hurts and doesn't make sense. Anything else is less than that for which we were created.

Anchor

I wonder why I wander. Why I willfully set myself adrift in a sea of dangerous musings and self-inflicted confusion. I disconnect. And yet, all along, I'm mercifully and firmly held by my anchor - my rock - my Jesus. I take it for granted. I know He lets me drift because I have free will. And I want to. Or maybe not want to - but I am not concerned enough with staying close to safety. The only true shelter from life's storms. Fear fuels this disconnect. Why do I allow myself to be coerced by fear? I think it's when I forget who I am in Christ. And don't trust His promises to me. He seems far away. I feel forgotten. And small. So I drift. Thinking I can make it on my own. But the further I drift, the more difficult it becomes to float. There's an undercurrent that makes me feel out of control. The waves get rough and toss me to and fro. I start to sink under the weight of my own striving. Doubt washes over me. I realize Christ is the only one who can buoy me without pain. Not people. Not circumstances. Only Jesus. Hope deferred makes the heart sick. In times of heart sickness, I want to stay close to my anchor. But I resist. And I wander. It's scary to be tethered to something that doesn't always feel safe. God's character is not unpredictable. But the way He chooses to answer prayer often is. He is stable. Steady. True. He is safe. But a life fully surrendered feels unsafe a lot of the time. His ways are a mystery to me. The future is daunting and uncertain. I wander from the one thing that can save me from drowning. We all want to know what's going to happen next. God says, "Trust me." And asks for faith long before we see answers unfold. His timing. His ways. His will. Not mine. Not mine. Not mine. Lord, I believe, but help my unbelief. Thank you for your patience with my struggles. Your light in my darkness. Your strength in my weakness. And your unwavering love in my wandering. The anchor remains unmoved. I drift from it. But it is still holding me. And it draws me close in the darkest hour. I rise from the hopelessness. Like always. How high, how wide, how long and how deep is the love of Christ!   I'm holding onto hope. I'm holding onto grace. I'm fully letting go. I'm surrendered to your ways. The anchor for my soul, Father you will never change...

Nothing Compares to You

In My Father's house are many mansions; if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and receive you to Myself; that where I am, you may be also. John 14:2-3

Thank you Jesus for Your promise. It is the hope in my heart and the joy in my soul. I live for the day when all things will be set right forever. Every knee will bow to You and every tongue will confess that You are Lord, the Messiah...the Savior of the World. I can't wait!

Living He loved me

Dying He saved me

Buried He carried my sins far away

Rising He justified, freely forever

One day He's coming

Oh glorious day, Oh glorious day!

Coming to terms with coming to terms



The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new
landscapes but in having new eyes. - Marcel Proust

As another year draws to a close, I have been reflecting on a lot of things the past few weeks, namely the current status of my life and how I am accepting (or not accepting) certain facts about the prevailing state of affairs in a godly manner. After a wonderful long Thanksgiving weekend in Kentucky, I was flying back to NYC early last Sunday and thinking about how God's plans for me must be so much more expansive than anything I could possibly imagine for myself at this point. There are certain blessings that I pray for all the time. And I don't think it's wrong to want something more than what is on the table right now. After all, the Bible tells us that God delights in giving good gifts to his kids and overanswering our prayers. But at the same time, His Word commands us to seek Him first, and I know that I really need to spend more time being grateful for all that is already mine and less time determining what I think should naturally manifest during each stage of my journey. Looking toward 2014, I want to live more in the present moment and relax into the peace that comes with true gratitude and being continually led by the Spirit as opposed to my own inclinations and reasonings.

As my plane descended over Queens to make its landing at LaGuardia, I was treated to a particularly magnificent aerial view of Manhattan, and it struck me that no matter how many times over the past seven years that I've visually experienced this same approach back to my home away from home, it never gets old. I think it's because I really do love New York and so each time, I am looking down at the city expectantly, actively anticipating being struck by some new thing that I'm always sure I'll see in the now-familiar topographical jumble of buildings, bridges and waterways. This particular time didn't disappoint, and it was the Freedom Tower that caught my eye, in all its gleaming, newly constructed glory, towering over everything in sight - a reminder that as long as there is life, there is hope and the possibility of restoration and beauty for ashes. Sincere love is totally hopeful. It always believes the best of its object of affection. If God is love (which He is) and I love God, shouldn't I be doing likewise when beholding the heaps of provision that flow from His merciful hand, as numerous and diverse as the structures boldly peppering the city's skyline? Having that same kind of vision that looks for and always finds the treasure pouring forth from its source...in this case, the source of all things - and believing the best is still yet to be discovered?

I think the mystery of a satisfying relationship with God lies in the embracing and acceptance of the unknown and living with childlike expectation even if nothing appears to be changing. In the same vein as my seemingly endless stream of "final" descents back into NY, sometimes we may be experiencing what only seems to be the same view over and over for an extended period of time. Yet, we are only really "stuck" with it if we allow our vision and perspective to grow dull. I'm starting to learn that change and discovery comes not so much at the expense of constantly surrounding myself with new people, places and things as it does in learning to look at my life with new eyes, the spiritual eyes that only God can provide. Our Creator is always doing something new to advance His kingdom, thus there is always something uniquely fresh to observe in the midst of the "same old, same old." During these times of status quo, maybe we just need to be thankful that God is allowing us to be still long enough to take a closer look so that we may be captivated by something that has, perhaps, been there all along but we failed to see because we were too busy looking for what we thought we wanted to find.

He makes all things new! 2 Corinthians 5:17

I tried to find my worth in things that didn't work
My confidence was broken
I was hopeless
But God, You have made me new
You've restored my heart and turned these ashes into life

Oh God, You have pulled me through
And everything I was is gone and washed away for good.

 

 

Happy (Unofficial) Beginning of Summer!

 

 

Happy Mother's Day!

Strength and honor are her clothing;

She shall rejoice in time to come.

She opens her mouth with wisdom,

And on her tongue is the law of kindness. Proverbs 31:25-26

 

May = National Celiac Disease Awareness Month

 

I'm conflicted as to whether this is truly good news, as Celiac Disease in and of itself = very bad news for all those affected by it. But...perhaps even more frustrating than dealing with this hideously unforgiving and mentally draining disease day in and day out is the general public's near-total lack of understanding of what it is exactly. So, if there is a month dedicated to raising awareness about Celiac Disease, including all its nefarious accoutrements (ahem, endless cross-contamination issues, sneaky hidden sources of gluten and the ill effects of getting glutened by food labeled gluten-free), then in a roundabout way, Celiac Disease Awareness Month is a good thing after all. 

Thank the living Lord for organizations like the Celiac Sprue Association for providing Celiacs with tons of accurate information about safe foods and products and the University of Chicago's Celiac Disease Center for their tireless research and advocacy. Knowledge equals power.

Hallelujah...He lives in me

You're the One who conquers giants
You're the One who calls out kings
You shut the mouths of lions
You tell the dead to breathe

You're the One who walks through fire
You take the orphan's hand
You are the One Messiah
You are I AM.

The veil is torn
And now I live
With the Spirit inside
The same One..the very same One
Who brought the Son back to life

Jennifer's Way = Yay!

Love love love what this lovely lady is doing to raise awareness for Celiac Disease. Thank you for lending your voice and raising the bar Ms. Esposito. And THANK YOU for clearly expressing that Celiac Disease DOES NOT mean one has a "gluten allergy." So much confusion out there about this autoimmune disorder. Girl is settin' the record straight!

Can't wait to visit the bakery. Gluten. Free. Cupcakes. 'Nuff said. Looks yum!

Jennifer's Way Bakery
263 E. 10th St. NYC

http://jennifersway.org/foundation/

Delighting in the Lord's keeping power

“But blessed is the one who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in him. They will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit.” Jeremiah 17:7-8

Forgetting the past

...and looking forward to what lies ahead. (Philippians 3:13)

Jesus paid it all
All to Him I owe
Sin had left a crimson stain
He washed it white as snow...

Isaiah 9:6-7

For unto us a Child is born,
Unto us a Son is given;
And the government will be upon His shoulder.
And His Name will be called
Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God,
Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.

Of the increase of His government and peace
There will be no end.
Upon the throne of David and over His kingdom,
To order it and establish it with judgment and justice
From that time forward, even forever.
The zeal of the Lord of hosts will perform this.

Faith + Perseverance = Goodness & Glory

James 1:2-4
Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

Romans 8:18
I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us.

Romans 8:28
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

Colossians 3:1-4
Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God. When Christ, who is your life, appears, then you also will appear with him in glory.

The Smurfs Have Arrived at Macy's...Yippee!

Is it wrong how delighted I was to encounter the below tower of Smurfs at Macy's this past weekend? Not only have the lovable blue superstars of the 1980s been named the official Holiday Ambassador for the retail giant, but they will also be making an appearance in the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade. It's definitely going to be a "Blue Christmas" on 34th St. this year, ha.

All I can say is, "If loving The Smurfs is wrong, I don't want to be right." (That totally goes for cupcakes, too).

God Never Wastes a Hurt

Hebrews 12:1-13

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart. In your struggle against sin, you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding your blood. And you have forgotten that word of encouragement that addresses you as sons:

"My son, do not make light of the Lord's discipline,
and do not lose heart when he rebukes you,
because the Lord disciplines those he loves,
and he punishes everyone he accepts as a son."

Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as sons. For what son is not disciplined by his father? If you are not disciplined (and everyone undergoes discipline), then you are illegitimate children and not true sons. Moreover, we have all had human fathers who disciplined us and we respected them for it. How much more should we submit to the Father of our spirits and live! Our fathers disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, that we may share in his holiness. No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it. Therefore, strengthen your feeble arms and weak knees. "Make level paths for your feet, so that the lame may not be disabled, but rather healed."

Things I love about New York

As I was browsing through Ricky's fabulous and diverse array of hair products this past weekend, I began to feel really excited, not only about the fabulous and diverse array of hair products, but also about the fact that I am living in NY again. My relocation happened so fast that the fact that I am actually a resident of the Empire State again has not truly sunk in yet. But it's starting to, and I am beginning to think about all of the things that I still haven't done/want to do and see in this amazing city. In light of my continuing efforts to abolish my disdain for Tuesdays by participating in exercises of gratitude expression, here goes another list of awesome things that I love - specifically about NY - in no particular order...

E. 54th Street (my first home!), all the random people like the man who walks around the city with a cat sitting on his head, Pinkberry/Red Mango, the Sanrio store in Times Square, Buttercup Bake Shop/Crumbs/Magnolia, Saturday shopping in SoHo, Lenny's deli (kept me alive my first year), Mister Softee (especially my Mister Softee on 22nd & Broadway), the White Horse, Macy's, listening to New Yorkers talk (love the accents here), regularly homecooked meals courtesy of the Notaro family (kept me alive my third year), meeting new people from all over the place on a regular basis, waiting for my train and seeing the Manhattan skyline in the background, summer street fairs, the West Village, being able to go watch basically any professional sport in person, Central Park, the Yankees, Steve Madden, the Flatiron Building, Union Square, the Brooklyn Bridge (so pretty), the city's close proximity to awesome beaches, all the great pizzerias (and Angelo's Pizza when I am feeling fancy)...I could go on and on. But most of all, I love the many great people I have come to know during my journey here. They include some of the best friends I have ever had!

Thank you, Lord, for bringing me back!

Reunited and it feels so good

What a crazy/wonderful couple of weeks it has been! God has brought me back to the city I love, blessed me with a nice apartment in a safe area and a good job that will allow me to pay all of my bills on time (novel concept, right? Ha.) Thankfully, little Sonny was a very brave and good kitty on the flight and is adjusting well to his new digs. He attacked me the other night, so I know he is feeling comfortable. Even though there are still a few obstacles to overcome in this super fast transition (like, um, where in the heck is my furniture... apparently completely MIA, as the movers seem to have no answers concerning its whereabouts which is becoming a bit disconcerting as the days go by, although I figure they will have to eventually show up with it if they want to be paid), I am feeling happy. But really, how could I be too sad with Mister Softee and unlimited high-quality cupcake access permanently back in my life again??? Not to mention, on a more serious note, a lot of great people whom I love. I miss my family so much, but knowing a direct flight to Kentucky is less than two hours is comforting. On this Tuesday evening, I am feeling grateful for this new adventure. NYC - Act II!

Wildcats rock NBA Draft

I am proud to be a Wildcats fan tonight. I loved this year's team. Even though they didn't go all the way in the NCAA Tournament, they were some of the most talented and entertaining players Rupp Arena has ever seen. John Wall, who is headed to the Washington Wizards, is the first Kentucky player in history to be selected as #1 overall. Awesome! DeMarcus Cousins (aka "Big Cuz") checked in at #5 for the Sacramento Kings. And Patrick Patterson took the 14th spot with the Houston Rockets. Eric Bledsoe and Daniel Orton were also in the mix at #18 and #29, respectively. Not bad. I'm gonna miss these guys. They reminded me and many other fans why UK is still the greatest. But I am comforted to know that they are gonna be just fine...you know, making their millions and all : )

C-A-T-S! Cats! Cats! Cats!

Elvis Mr. Potato Head coming soon to a toy store near you

This is awesome. Well, if you love Elvis as much as I do anyway. But it's kind of awesome even if you are relatively indifferent to the indisputable greatness of the King of Rock 'n' Roll. The August release of this treasure coincides nicely with the annual Elvis Week. So exciting!