Time...after time

Time. It's a funny thing. How it passes differently for each person. I think its speed is determined by how we measure it. For some, it's just an arbitrary accumulation of minutes and hours that equal days that turn into weeks that turn into years. Static and painstaking, this type of acceptance of time. For others, it's moments. Weeks pass. Freely and unremarkable, yet certain moments arrest - and irrevocably define life - by either expanding or restricting the passage of time as we feel it in the depths of our soul. For better or worse, perception is reality. But what is the nucleus from which our own individual perspectives are born? Is it our belief systems or personalities or attitudes? What is it that lends credence and weight? They say time is of the essence. I believe this. Time is now. Today is the only unit of time that we are guaranteed, regardless of how we embrace it or measure its passing. Moments come and moments go. Each encapsulated - whether we are conscious of it or not - on a spectrum ranging from indifference to personal, life-defining significance. No matter how we experience time, it is inarguably at once eternal and fleeting. Just and unfair. Meaningful and mundane. Here and gone. The past is past. Today is the day. Live in this moment. It's the only one we truly hold. Pain, joy, love, fear, disappointment, regret, hope, sadness, peace, apathy. They define our humanness, our experiences and our choices, as they are all ours for the owning and the releasing. Ultimately destining our direction. Choose life. Choose engagement with it. Even when it hurts and doesn't make sense. Anything else is less than that for which we were created.

Anchor

I wonder why I wander. Why I willfully set myself adrift in a sea of dangerous musings and self-inflicted confusion. I disconnect. And yet, all along, I'm mercifully and firmly held by my anchor - my rock - my Jesus. I take it for granted. I know He lets me drift because I have free will. And I want to. Or maybe not want to - but I am not concerned enough with staying close to safety. The only true shelter from life's storms. Fear fuels this disconnect. Why do I allow myself to be coerced by fear? I think it's when I forget who I am in Christ. And don't trust His promises to me. He seems far away. I feel forgotten. And small. So I drift. Thinking I can make it on my own. But the further I drift, the more difficult it becomes to float. There's an undercurrent that makes me feel out of control. The waves get rough and toss me to and fro. I start to sink under the weight of my own striving. Doubt washes over me. I realize Christ is the only one who can buoy me without pain. Not people. Not circumstances. Only Jesus. Hope deferred makes the heart sick. In times of heart sickness, I want to stay close to my anchor. But I resist. And I wander. It's scary to be tethered to something that doesn't always feel safe. God's character is not unpredictable. But the way He chooses to answer prayer often is. He is stable. Steady. True. He is safe. But a life fully surrendered feels unsafe a lot of the time. His ways are a mystery to me. The future is daunting and uncertain. I wander from the one thing that can save me from drowning. We all want to know what's going to happen next. God says, "Trust me." And asks for faith long before we see answers unfold. His timing. His ways. His will. Not mine. Not mine. Not mine. Lord, I believe, but help my unbelief. Thank you for your patience with my struggles. Your light in my darkness. Your strength in my weakness. And your unwavering love in my wandering. The anchor remains unmoved. I drift from it. But it is still holding me. And it draws me close in the darkest hour. I rise from the hopelessness. Like always. How high, how wide, how long and how deep is the love of Christ!   I'm holding onto hope. I'm holding onto grace. I'm fully letting go. I'm surrendered to your ways. The anchor for my soul, Father you will never change...

Nothing Compares to You

In My Father's house are many mansions; if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and receive you to Myself; that where I am, you may be also. John 14:2-3

Thank you Jesus for Your promise. It is the hope in my heart and the joy in my soul. I live for the day when all things will be set right forever. Every knee will bow to You and every tongue will confess that You are Lord, the Messiah...the Savior of the World. I can't wait!

Living He loved me

Dying He saved me

Buried He carried my sins far away

Rising He justified, freely forever

One day He's coming

Oh glorious day, Oh glorious day!

Coming to terms with coming to terms



The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new
landscapes but in having new eyes. - Marcel Proust

As another year draws to a close, I have been reflecting on a lot of things the past few weeks, namely the current status of my life and how I am accepting (or not accepting) certain facts about the prevailing state of affairs in a godly manner. After a wonderful long Thanksgiving weekend in Kentucky, I was flying back to NYC early last Sunday and thinking about how God's plans for me must be so much more expansive than anything I could possibly imagine for myself at this point. There are certain blessings that I pray for all the time. And I don't think it's wrong to want something more than what is on the table right now. After all, the Bible tells us that God delights in giving good gifts to his kids and overanswering our prayers. But at the same time, His Word commands us to seek Him first, and I know that I really need to spend more time being grateful for all that is already mine and less time determining what I think should naturally manifest during each stage of my journey. Looking toward 2014, I want to live more in the present moment and relax into the peace that comes with true gratitude and being continually led by the Spirit as opposed to my own inclinations and reasonings.

As my plane descended over Queens to make its landing at LaGuardia, I was treated to a particularly magnificent aerial view of Manhattan, and it struck me that no matter how many times over the past seven years that I've visually experienced this same approach back to my home away from home, it never gets old. I think it's because I really do love New York and so each time, I am looking down at the city expectantly, actively anticipating being struck by some new thing that I'm always sure I'll see in the now-familiar topographical jumble of buildings, bridges and waterways. This particular time didn't disappoint, and it was the Freedom Tower that caught my eye, in all its gleaming, newly constructed glory, towering over everything in sight - a reminder that as long as there is life, there is hope and the possibility of restoration and beauty for ashes. Sincere love is totally hopeful. It always believes the best of its object of affection. If God is love (which He is) and I love God, shouldn't I be doing likewise when beholding the heaps of provision that flow from His merciful hand, as numerous and diverse as the structures boldly peppering the city's skyline? Having that same kind of vision that looks for and always finds the treasure pouring forth from its source...in this case, the source of all things - and believing the best is still yet to be discovered?

I think the mystery of a satisfying relationship with God lies in the embracing and acceptance of the unknown and living with childlike expectation even if nothing appears to be changing. In the same vein as my seemingly endless stream of "final" descents back into NY, sometimes we may be experiencing what only seems to be the same view over and over for an extended period of time. Yet, we are only really "stuck" with it if we allow our vision and perspective to grow dull. I'm starting to learn that change and discovery comes not so much at the expense of constantly surrounding myself with new people, places and things as it does in learning to look at my life with new eyes, the spiritual eyes that only God can provide. Our Creator is always doing something new to advance His kingdom, thus there is always something uniquely fresh to observe in the midst of the "same old, same old." During these times of status quo, maybe we just need to be thankful that God is allowing us to be still long enough to take a closer look so that we may be captivated by something that has, perhaps, been there all along but we failed to see because we were too busy looking for what we thought we wanted to find.

He makes all things new! 2 Corinthians 5:17

I tried to find my worth in things that didn't work
My confidence was broken
I was hopeless
But God, You have made me new
You've restored my heart and turned these ashes into life

Oh God, You have pulled me through
And everything I was is gone and washed away for good.

 

 

Happy (Unofficial) Beginning of Summer!

 

 

Happy Mother's Day!

Strength and honor are her clothing;

She shall rejoice in time to come.

She opens her mouth with wisdom,

And on her tongue is the law of kindness. Proverbs 31:25-26