After the rain comes a rainbow

The Kentucky Derby. Wow. Why? Plus one giant Ewwww. These are the three words that can best sum up what my friend Maria and I, who are possibly suffering from a mild case of post-traumatic stress disorder, witnessed today in the Derby infield. We saw things that we had never seen before and things that we never, ever want to see again.

The Wow list includes the following phenomena:

• The countless Kentucky natives, voluntarily covered in mud from head to toe, who felt the need to engage in mud wrestling for hours on end for no apparent reason.
• The lone porta potti that we stood by for over two hours and the innumerable, visibly traumatized victims who emerged from its chambers. Wow. What had occurred in there? We were too afraid to find out. We held it.
• The yellow shower curtains, otherwise known as "ponchos," we were forced to wear as a result of the hideous and unforgiving rain. We reached a new fashion low today.

Making the Why list...

• The man in the flowered Mumu.
• The man sporting a Kermit the Frog head. His friend sporting a pig nose. And the mud covered chicken man.
• Why do you stand in the betting line for 20 minutes and not realize you are in a betting line at the Derby. And even if you realize what this line is, after waiting 20 minutes in the line, why do you have no idea what bet you will place when it's your turn and hold up the line for a good 15 minutes trying to make a decision?
• A seersucker suit + flip flops. Why?
• The shirtless man wearing buttless jeans.

And the giant Ewwww:

• Quite possibly the most disturbing image of all, which has unquestionably been burned into our memories for all of eternity, was the giant 2-pound, half-raw turkey leg that was continuously hoisted up into the air by an exceptionally exuberant young man waiting in line to use the infamous porta potti. How many people took a bite out of this turkey leg? We lost count.

The crowning moment of the day occurred just minutes before the actual running of the race when the rich and powerful people came out of their tower to observe the infield festivities and throw beers and cigars down to the "peasants."

I don't think any words can really properly convey the infinite atrocities we were witness to today. But, as we drove away from it all, we came upon the most beautiful rainbow either one of us had ever seen. It spread all the way across the sky, kind of like the St. Louis Arch. That was a nice ending to an, um, interesting day.